Kahaan Kab Kaise?-Ep 5

In the last episode you saw that Champi’s father Bhau Taklampanchi had gone to the rich Chustia family to fix the marriage of his poor, ugly 7 year old daughter. Kutti Chustia, mother of the rich, handsome, 7 year old Bacchu Chustia, agreed to the match, because the kundali of her son like that of Champi, said that if he didn’t get married before the age of 8 to a poor, ugly girl he would turn into a a grass eating octopus.

Aur Ab Aage(AAA)

The marriage between Champi Taklampanchi and Bacchu Chustia is taking place in the Large Chustia Mansion. For all those viewers who wanted to see the boy meeting the girl and the girl blushing while serving snacks and tea and listening to her mother lie about how good a housewife she is, we apologize. We unfortunately could not incorporate those scenes in our tiny budget, which only covers the cost of the director’s two cups of coffee. If it makes you feel any better, Bacchu would have met Champi and get frightened by her face. Then Champi would show what a clumsy oaf she is by dropping the tea she had made all over herself, in the process get third degree burns. But it would be a blessing in disguise because she had put salt in the tea instead of sugar.

Anyway so the marriage was fixed and was taking place in a romantic, starry night, with a full moon that looked like Champi’s father’s bald patch. The Marriage had been paid for by the Taklampanchi’s. Bhau had sold of their small little hut and their shoes(which was also their family vehicle), as part of the dowry. The Taklampanchi’s new address was 0, Under the banyan tree, opposite the public toilet, Fuckirapur.

The marriage was a grand affair. The Chustia’s had called everybody they knew and everybody they didn’t know, because they weren’t paying for the food. Atleast 15,000 men, women and animals were roaming around in an area which was smaller than a Tata Nano. There was laughter, chatter, flirting, the occasional rape and a lot of booze.

Unfortunately the pandit also got drunk. He had to be pulled away for the ceremony from the hot Russian babe he was chatting with.

Pandit: Ok. Is it a marriage or a funeral?

Champi: it is my marriage. (and she blushed like a toilet. Sorry that’s flushed)

Pandit: Burrrraaah! Ok! Repeat after me... Om, we are getting married. Om

Champi and Bacchu: Om, we are getting married. Om.(flowers)

Pandit: Om, we will regret this when we become sober. Om!

Champi and Bacchu: Om, we will regret this when we become sober. Om!

Pandit: om, oooooo huzzooorr, tera tera tera surroooorrr, ashiq banaya. Om!

Champi and Bacchu: om, oooooo huzzooorr, tera tera tera surroooorrr, ashiq banaya. Om!

Pandit: Om, Kitne aadmi the?, Om!

Champi: Huzoor sirf ek!

Pandit: And you Bacchu, do you take this...errr... thing, to be your lawful wedded wife?

Bacchu: I do.

Pandit: I pronounce you boy and wife. you make now kiss the bride. Swaraj is my birthright and I shall have it. Sorrrryyy, SWAHA! (and the pandit passed out)

The newly married couple kissed, then started making out and were quickly taken to their honeymoon suite, before they did anything more.

To be continued...

(to see life repeatedly headbutting Champi like Zidane did to Materrazi, tune in next time!)