We are a nation of one billion cricket experts. Turn on a match and everybody has a very vocal opinion about it. Some look at the game objectively, some provide a statistical view and some obviously raise grave cricketing issues like, “Why is the beer over?”
The criteria for being an Indian Cricketing expert are as follows:
1. 1. You must have sound cricketing knowledge. Knowing who Sachin Tendulkar is, will do.
2. 2. You must be able to articulate your thoughts in a concise manner. Articulate standing for Scream and concise meaning Loudly.
3. 3. You must know Sachin Tendulkar.
We’re a country that is very passionate about our cricket. Which is actually a clever excuse we’ve developed to basically act like preachy idiots when it comes to cricket.
When a match is being watched on the telly, it is common practice to pretend like we’re cricket coaches with 19 years of experience. We’ll be critising every shot that doesn’t go for a four. ‘Tcha! What an @#$%^! He should be playing the straight drive there.” And we’ll be staring at the screen with eyes bulging, shouting, “TWO! TWO! RUN TWO RUNS!” When we hardly know where the ball or the fielders are because the camera is focusing on Deepika Padukone’s face.
If only we were as expertly informed on earning money or looking good as we are about the dimensions of Yuvraj’s paunch, India would be a better place. In fact our GDP would match Sehwag's run rate, if only we knew our own work as well as we know cricket. We know every player and substitute that has gone through the ranks of the Indian team along with their position, style of play and colour of underwear but we can’t seem to recall a thing at the monthly review meeting, including the name of the company we work for.
Usually we don’t have any intelligent insight to offer either. When a catch is dropped there’s usually a discussion that lasts for days which points out that the catch would have been taken, if only Raina hadn't dropped it. We're also known to make expert predictions like: Today, Sachin will not score a century. Of course these statements are made on the basis of strong statistically data which suggests that it is very unlikely for Sachin to score a century when he’s not playing due to injury.
And we, everyday experts, always talk in a particular manner. Its a style we’ve picked up from listening to Ravi Shastri for longer than is good for health.
Expert 1: Munaf has good length.
Expert 2: Yes, and Virat Kohli is stroking the balls so well.
Expert 3: But he should have better shot selection. A cover drive might have worked better than the tequila shot.
But without the cricketing experts, the country would be really silent. Cricket conversation makes up 87% of all the conversation that happens in India. The remaining 13% consists of asking, “Why is the beer still over?”
