All those dimwits who think that Big Bazaar is the supermarket equivalent of heaven should have their head examined. Big Bazaar is NOT the best place to shop!
Keep in mind that I am not saying this because I work for Reliance Fresh or own the small shop outside Big Bazaar, I say this in my full senses as a buyer alone. Big Bazaar gives you as good a shopping experience as a Nazi Concentration Camp, minus the gas chamber.
For one thing the Goddamn place is ALWAYS packed to capacity. There are more people at Big Bazaar at any given point of time than there are in Eden Gardens, Kolkatta when Sourav ‘Dada’ Ganguly is batting. Its just a hideous amount of crowd! It is only when you shop at Big Bazaar that you realize how out of hand the population problem of India is and you really begin to think that something ought to be done to curb it. So if you want to feel like your travelling in a dombivili fast every time you go out shopping, then Big Bazaar is the right place for you.
I don’t know about you, but all I usually ever need and want is a bottle of Coke, a bag of potato chips and some underwear. Apparently Big Bazaar lives up to its name. It is so freaking BIG that it totally pisses me off. I really don’t feel like walking 42 kilometers and take part in a treasure hunt just for a Bottle of Coke, A bag of Chips and some underwear. Especially not in that kind of crowd.
Yet these issues, I can probably overlook if I tried really hard but what always frays my nerves till the point where they look like shredded cheese is that stupid woman on the Public Announcement system. Oh lord! If they had to give the Public Announcement system to a chimpanzee then they should at least give it to a chimp with a decent voice! The lady they have there is singularly the MOST IRRITATING woman I have ever heard. You cant find such a brainless specimen if you search. Not only does she screech on the mike but she also thinks that she is being funny when she rhymes every sentence that she speaks. To make matters worse she always announces offers on things that I don’t buy.
Irritating Woman on Public Announcement System: Welcome Shoppers, its the season of grasshoppers! We have an offer for you, not one but a few! Buy 14 Kg Brinjal and you get a basketball! Buy 4 hawaiin shirts and you get a garland and a skirt! Buy one handkerchief andyou wont miss a sniff! Happy shopping and I better be hopping!
Me: yeah you better! Thanks bitch, for singlehandedly ruining my shopping experience.
And when you do overcome all these physical and mental tortures what do you find waiting for you? A line longer than one you find at the buffet counter at all Gujarati weddings. My heart sinks as it sees the endless stretch of shopping baskets extending in front of me. The first thing I do is start looking for a nice warm and comfortable spot somewhere in the store where I can sleep, because by the looks of it, by turn will only come in the early hours of the next day. I usually pick the spot near the Ice-cream section. Its nice and cool.
I can see some of you ignorant souls whining already. You think that Big Bazaar is the best thing to happen to mankind ever since he discovered fire, because it’s so cheap and you end up saving so much! I think thats rubbish! Especially if you are a buyer like me, or at any rate if you’re a normal, mentally sane shopper, because when you buy anything around the range of 3 to 27 items, you will save not more than 5 rupees on your purchase. I speak through experience for I only save 14 paise each time I shop. So unless you buy in bulk, for example if you have a large family which is contributing to the crowd at Big Bazaar or you are buying supplies for your small store opposite Big Bazaar, you are not going to get any benefit out of shopping at Big Bazaar. If you still want suffer all of the above mental and physical damage to save 27 paise(which will you not be returned by the way) then all I can tell you is Happy Shopping and Best of Luck!
The Matador
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