Why Sachin Touches Himself...

Sachin Tendulkar is a great guy. He is one of the greatest sportsmen ever and definitely the greatest Batsman in the history of cricket. Among his other Great achievements, which include getting the most test runs(13,447), most one day international runs(17,598) and most runs in a single one day innings(200), sachin is also the greatest batsman to have constantly touched himself. He also has more crotch adjusts(15,716) and genital scratches(15,634) than other Batsman. Records that few are ever going to beat, let alone attempt.

So what is that has helped the master blaster achieve these incredible feats? What is the secret behind these mind-boggling statistics of self-touching?

Here are the reasons why Sachin Tendulkar is miles ahead of any batsman in his or any other generation, when it comes to crotch adjusts, and genital scratches:

1. Lucky Charm: Sachin considers the act of giving the pecker a quick peck, a lucky charm. Just one touch or adjust and he believes he will be dispatching those incoming balls to the other side of the fence. The funny thing is it works! Other Batsmen would have tried it but this ritual kind of has a tendency of ruining all the reputation you build by scoring those countless centuries.

2.To check if its still there: When you are facing bowlers like Brett lee, Shane Bond, Shoaib Akhtar and the fast dude from west indies, all of whom are faster than Japanese bullet trains, there is a chance that your balls might end up in your mouth. Sachin cannot afford to show any signs of fear(though he might feel it) on the pitch. So he tries Keeping calm and ensuring that his balls stay firmly in their place before deliveries. Also when you have a voice like his, you have to keep checking if you are still a man.

3. Itching : just because he his Sachin Tendulkar, the greatest Batsman in the world and a God in most parts of india, doesn’t mean he isn’t affected by things that affect human beings. Namely itching. Everytime you see him reach for crotch and adjust his legs you get a feeling that there is something inside his pant that urgently requires the attention of Itchguard dermatological cream. You just know he is just waiting to score his 100 and then get in that changing room and scratch “The AREA” to his hearts content. P.S. scratching with gloves on is DAMN tough.

4. Tight Underwear :80% men adjust their private part because of tight underwear. Who knows maybe the Great man has been wearing the wrong size of underwear all these years. Maybe his ‘little master’ isn’t that little and he doesn’t know his actual size and has been wearing one size too small all these years. This has probably led him to adjust his ‘thing’ during the match so that he can focus on scoring his century rather than how uncomfortable he feels in his tight underwear. Sachin isn’t the only Hero to have faced this problem. The other great men to have had problems with tight underwear are Superman, Batman, He-man and Spiderman(who had his underwear covering his entire body!)

5. Optimizing Performance: there is nothing like a slight touch to the self, to get the blood flowing and have the testosterone pumping through your veins. This might be the secret trick that sachin uses to help him get that extra energy that is needed when his score is at 99 and he has to push to that 100, once again. Everytime he needs that little extra bit, he just reaches down and gives his ‘little master’ a pat to arouse it into performance and help him ensure that his bat does the talking ;)

Sachin Tendulkar we salute you! You have made your country proud by holding the records for most crotch adjusts and genital scratches! You truly are a legend and may your legend never fade!

By The Matador