I hate PR.

I can’t stand Publicity Stunts, Gimmicks or any other stupid action that wannabes do to satisfy their attention-seeking soul. The sad part is that you can’t avoid the crap because it is smeared all over the papers and on every goddamn TV channel and if I stop reading the paper and watching the TV, I’ll probably be as informed as a zoo animal and probably just as entertained.

The fact of the matter is that PR is just so goddamn fake and there is not even an attempt to hide it. Its like there is some kind of secret pact between the media and its consumers.

Media: we are going to give you a lot of paid bullshit, because some big breasted unknown girl wants to make it big in Bollywood and is paying us to increase her chances.

Reader’s and Viewer’s: Big Breasted unknown Girls! WOOOHOO!

Those stupid write ups on the inconsequential things that a herd of inconsequential people are doing that appear all over the Bombay Times totally piss me of. For those who don’t know what am talking about, pay attention closely, it kind of goes like this:

The sizzling siren Sunaina Singh, is on a high these days. Ask her why and the chirpy BOMBSHELL tells you its because of the great compliments that her film is getting!(LIE! Am surprised she is getting so many compliments already, because her film is releasing next week! Oh yeah, am sorry, I forgot that people can totally appreciate her acting by looking at the poster’s. And I guess nows the time, because once the film releases she aint going to get any compliments anyway) The Gorgeous Sunaina has just wrapped up shooting for the film, “Between the Mister and the Mattress” where she plays a sexy seductress who wrecks the lives of 17 married men.(LIE! Basically the role she plays is that of a slut! Not to be confused with Sexy Seductress) When asked about it, the pretty lass let out a giggle. “I have been getting so many calls from Housewifes to mend my ways and not go after their husbands and wreck their marriages as well. I can assure you it was just a role and I am very sweet off screen.” Clarifies the leggy lass.(LIE! sweet my left buttock. You are exactly like this real life. Tell us how sweet you were while meeting producers and ‘convincing’ them to take you.) That's not the only reason she is buzzing! As the sensual sunaina will now be endorsing a mobile company. “ I cant reveal the name of the company yet but its true!” chirps the babe.(LIE! She wishes one day she could endorse a brand. As of now the only thing buzzing in her life is a vibrator!) She is Also on twitter. “Yes I am on twitter and I already have 15,000 followers! Am so humbled and thankful to my fans!”(LIE! HAHAHAHA, she expects us to believe that?) She will now be heading to maldives for a vacation. “Am exhausted. I need a break” says the hardworking beauty.(LIE! Damn it is so much hardwork to wear a Bikini and pose! Twitter must be taakng a toll on her thumbs. Or she’s just tired of being herself! If I was her I would have been shit tired of myself!) Has success changed her? “Not at all. I still am how I used to be. Simple and Sweet!” (LIE! That completely explains why you changed your name and surname, dumped your ugly ass boyfriend, changed your phone number, removed all your ‘stupid and ugly’ pictures with your friends and now don’t recognise them anymore. Oh wait, what success are we talking off? Oh yeah, The success of a film that hasn’t released? )

The stunning Sunaina Singh

That is exactly how a paid Write-up looks. It has more adjectives than there are advertisements in between a cricket match. It praises the wannabe filmstar till you start feeling nauseous. And the article is just as fake as the breasts of the wannabe that it’s about.

The sad part is that people actually like reading and seeing this tripe. They actually feel some weird unknown joyful emotion when they hear that some idiot filmstar burped after dinner, or cut his nails with of all things A NAILCUTTER! Or that some wannabe girl has more talent than a whole herd of circus animals! They ACTUALLY believe the fact that she can dance, sing, swim, skate, was a gymnast, jazz musician, activist, sea-lion, philosopher and also has time to take care of her aging parents in the old age home where they stay! Aww how sweet!

Just once, just once I want to see a true report on a dumb wannabe. A proper journalistic dissection of her prospects, without the bias of getting more money for it than the average Indian’s yearly income. It would probably look like this:

The plain ugly Sunaina Singh wants to desperately claw her way into Bollywood. That's the reason she did not think twice about doing a C-grade film like “Between the Mister and the Mattress”. All she does in the film is show cleavage and spread her legs for the mister on the mattress. By the looks of it she has the brains of a hen and the talent equivalent to that of the rabbit in the magician’s hat. She cant act. Her breasts are fake and saggy. She got punched in the face by her director because she couldn’t say, “mere pet me jo baccha hai, woh tum sabka hai!” correctly, even after 47 retakes. We refuse to waste any more newsprint on a chimp like her.

The Matador