Why I Remain Offline or Invisible

People have often asked me why I come online on Facebook or Gmail but yet remain offline or invisible in the chat window. So now I will tell you the real reason. The answer is that I choose to remain invisible or offline so I can avoid the retards in my friendlist.

Dont you just hate those jobless idiots who are 24x7 on Facebook and Gmail, with their chat windows open just waiting for people to come online so that they can start bugging them about their jobless lifes? It is these people that I try and avoid.

I mean I would love to talk to anybody if they had some interesting conversation or had some brains or if they were a smoking hot babe. Then I really wouldn’t mind typing in letters into a small window while straining my eyes looking at the screen and waiting for their abbreviated replies. But alas the people in my friendlist have sad lives, have an IQ Level which is slightly lower than that of KoKo the silver back gorilla and the hot babes on my friendlist avoid me like the AIDS virus.

In short I have no reason to EVER come online or become visible on chat. On the few occasions that I have made the mistake and not stuck to my rule, I have been met with disaster which has only reinforced my belief that all people I know are F*cked in the head.

I just don’t understand what the bloody hell is the point of asking “Wassup?” When you bloody well know that the only freaking answer you are gonna get for asking that stupid ass question is “Nothing Much”. For once I am gonna answer that question properly.

Jobless Idiot: hey, Wassup?

Me: oh, am glad you asked, asshole. Firstly my back is hurting sitting in this uncomfortable chair. The glare from the computer screen is also hurting my eyes. My mind is slowly crumbling to ashes because of the intense heat of your radiating stupidness. Polar Bears are facing extinction and there are only 1411 tigers left. Mumbai Indians won yesterday. Sachin is God and I love my India. Wassup with you?

Jobless idiot: Nothing much.

The other thing I just cant tolerate is just how fake people get when you are chatting with them online. It is just so ridiculous, because you cant see or hear the person you have to believe every little lie he or she types out. And the biggest lie among them is LOL. And ROFL. For one thing you will NEVER EVER roll on the goddam floor laughing, no matter how funny my joke is. Do you roll on the floor laughing when I cracked the same goddamn joke in toilet and on the muddy football field? NO! So if you never do that when I crack a joke in real life. Then why lie about it online. How does that joke become SOOO funny online?

Me: and the prof said, “class please shit down”

Jobless idiot: AHAHAHAHA!!!!! ROFL!!! LOL!! ROFLMAO! LMAO! HAHAHAHAHA!

Me: piss off dude. You sneaky lying two faced son-of-a-bitch. I bet youre just staring at your bloody screen like a dead freaking fish.

Oh yeah about interesting conversation. Somehow that just doesn’t happen. If you are sitting online to tell the world about your experiences of having flown a fighter plane in world war 2 or how it feels to hunt a bear or skydive, then your presence online is totally justified. But most of the time its just the jobless idiots who are sitting all day to catch someone, whom they can share their stupid life’s stupid moments with!

Jobless idiot: Hey guess what I did!!!?

Me: you went bull-fighting in Spain?

Jobless Idiot: no guess again...

Me: you saved a little child from getting run over by a truck?

Jobless idiot: no silly, I tried a new flavour of cornflakes today! FRUIT n NUT! It was sooo TASTY!

Me: ok I gotta go now.

You see the cyber world is too full of idiots for me to set foot in there. I am very content staying out of that mental institution. But then I always have people telling me this sad story, “What if everybody behaved like you and chose to remain offline or invisible! Then how would we even communicate? There would just be no contact!”

Well I guess thats why they have something called a phone, which is a device where you can have a REAL conversation unlike the fake bullshit, stupidity and boring shit that you have online.

By The Matador