Interview with a Vampire.

Ever since I entered the large, poorly-lit castle I have been impressed by its owner. The home speaks a lot about the man and seeing the dingy, hideous place I realised it was true. For the man I am going to interview today, goes by the name of Count Vlad Draccula, and who's chief occupation is being a vampire.

Q1. Hello Mr. Draccula.

Ans. Hi.

Q2. How does it feel being a professional vampire?

Ans. Umm.. its a rather dead job, hehe, get it(*wink wink*). On the upside you get to live in a castle like this and sleep in a coffin and get to stay young for a really long time. And of course you get to seduce pretty woman, and then suck their blood, so basically for a person like me, who has fangs and a thirst for blood its a dream job.

Q3. So basically your job is that of a mosquito?

Ans. Look, don’t get me wrong. Just because I suck blood, doesn’t mean am a mosquito.

Q4. Leech?

Ans. No, am not a leech either.

Q5. Alright, how did it feel acting in twilight?

Ans. (frowning) I didn’t act in twilight!

Q6. Of course, sorry, my bad. So tell us something about your love-life, which has been under considerable scrutiny and subject to a lot of rumors....

Ans. I am currently single.

Q7. Your ex-wife has said that while she was married to you, you used to suck her more than she sucked you. Is it true?

Ans. No comments.(frown increasing)

Q8. She also said you enjoyed making love, when she was menstruating, is it true?

Ans. No more relationship questions.

Q9. Can you fly?

Ans. No.(getting pissed)

Q10. You have a habit of turning into a bat. Is it true?

Ans. Yes. Its not a habit, its an ability

Q11. Yes, exactly. what type of bat do you become? A fruit bat?

Ans. No I do not become a fruit bat...(teeth grating)

Q12. Cricket bat?

Ans. NO! A Vampire Bat, you numskull, I become a vampire bat!

Q13. Do you also call yourself Batman?

Ans. NO I DONT!.(clenching fist)

Q14. You stay awake at night and sleep during the day. is that correct?

Ans. yes.

Q15. Is that because you work in a call centre?

Ans. (Hopping with rage) NO. ITS BECAUSE I CANNOT TOLERATE THE SUN! WHY HAVENT YOU DONE ANY HOMEWORK? WHAT RUBBISH QUESTIONS ARE THESE?

Q16. If you cant tolerate the sun, where do you get your vitamin D from?

Ans. GET OUT OF MY CASTLE!!!

Q17. Are your bones weak with vitamin D deficiency?

Ans. (Knife is hurled in interviewers direction)

The interview ended abruptly, after the interviewee turned hostile.

-by Editor Man