Why isn't there a shoe to wear to sleep yet?

We are gradually heading toward being a nation of shoe specialists. A recent shoe census revealed that the average number of shoes per household has increased from 1 and a half in 1947 to 17 in 2012. The reason for this sudden shoe explosion, of course, is not using condoms. Oh wait, that’s the reason for the population explosion. The reason for the increase in shoes is the need to have a different pair of shoes for every activity, even the ones that don’t require shoes.

Think about it, we have one pair for ‘regular’ use. These are usually the most comfortable and durable shoes, built out of the same material that they use to make Rhinos. The other really important pair is the one for office wear. They are generally black, done so to match the colour of your boss’s heart. There’s one pair we wear to parties. These are the fancy, glittering shows that shine so brightly that plants use their light for photosynthesis. Then, of course, there are the running shoes. The importance of these shoes grew significantly when it was revealed that without the right running shoes, your knees could be reduced to dust. These shoes are usually bulky, padded and if worn without socks, smell so bad that they attract vultures from 50 kilometres away.

The running shoes though are different from the shoes you wear for various sports, even though most sports involve a fair amount of running. For football you need studs, called that because the term, ‘dudes’ wasn’t very popular then. You can’t use studs to play cricket and you can’t wear cricket shoes to play golf. You need riding boots for polo and cowboy boots if you’re a cowboy. You can’t wear shoes for swimming in a pool but you need flippers to swim in the ocean.

There are spare shoes and shoes that you keep inspite of them being so torn that they look like they’ve been through a shark attack. There are shoes for dancing; there are heels for ladies and flats for when they have to walk for more than 4 meters. There are slippers for the loo/college, slippers for the beach, sandals for the summer, sandals for the rains, gumboots if you’re between four and ten years of age, shoes with Velcro for convenience and laces for style, sneakers to go with your jeans and shoes to match your moods. Eventually all we’ll have in our homes will be shoes and our front doors will look like there’s a pooja at our place every day, with that avalanche of footwear fanning out in all directions (even spilling into the lift shaft.)

The power to stop this trend lies in your hands, er, feet. Remember all you need is two pairs. One for use and the other in case you spot a politician.