No Bigger Waste Of Paper Than A Diary

Every New Year brings with it that dreaded waste of paper: The Diary. It’s like an epidemic. Every shop you see will have on display, diaries that say ‘2012’ on their cover (yes, even the shop that sells spare bike parts.) There’s just no escaping them. They’re there in all sizes, shapes and colours and the sad part is, you have to buy one even though you know that you’re probably not going to write anything in it after exactly three days.

Seized by New Year Enthusiasm™, you open your diary with a dramatic intake of breath to begin the documentation of your year, only to realise that the actual writing of it is not as exciting as it seemed in your head. It’s hard work writing about all the mundane battles of your life. Many people usually drop out at this stage. “Who would have thought that ‘writing’ a diary would involve any actual writing”, they usually think to themselves.

The few who persevere face another kind of problem, one of not having anything to write about. It’s only when you keep a diary that you realise how boring and pointless your life really is. A typical diary usually ends up looking something like this:

Jan 1^st:  I am starting a diary today! This way I’ll have a record of my life so that I can look back at it later and see how far I’ve come. I find writing very calming and relaxing, I wonder why most people don’t keep diaries. Anyway, today, I woke up early. Brushed my teeth. Had a dosa for breakfast!.... went out with friends... watched some TV... slipped while coming out of the bathroom and landed hard on my back! Haha!

Jan 5^nd: The weather was really nice today! I went out. After a while, I came back home. It was fun.  Also, the weather was really nice. We celebrated Mom’s birthday by going out for dinner. The weather was nice, then too.

Jan 19^th: My back still hurts. The Doctor thinks I cracked a vertebra.

In the end, all the other pages are going to be left blank and hopefully, with any luck, they will one day find better use in the hands of some Bhelpuriwalla, who will use them as makeshift cones. (I, myself, have once eaten Bhelpuri out of 12^th July.)

They say that a diary can be your best friend. You can tell it your innermost thoughts, secrets, fears, desires and it will listen patiently, never once judging you. In many ways it is much better than a best friend because I know for a fact that no matter how good a friend you have, if you tell them what you really think about your boss and his stupid policies on “office decorum”, they will inevitably judge you a little. And then, maybe even call the police.

Be careful with your diary though. Although it is better at not judging you, it is not as good as your best friends when it comes to keeping a secret. In fact, it divulges everything to any person who happens to open it. So unless you want pesky people finding out about your innermost thoughts, I strongly suggest you get a diary with a lock on it or better still, you could do what I did and not keep a diary at all.