India Has Agriculture But Still Can't Field.

Somehow the Indian Cricket Team and Good Fielding do not fit in the same sentence. Except probably that one.

The Indian Cricket Team has never ever been known as a good fielding unit. That's because when it comes to fielding they are like pigeons, not the most agile and with a lot of droppings.

The importance of fielding probably came to light when cricket turned toward the one day format. The reduced time implied reduced runs and we all know what that meant, thats right: Unhappy batsmen. No seriously, it meant better fielding. Never before had fielding looked so exciting as in the 1992 world cup when jonty Rhodes scampered across from point and flew through the air and ran out Inzamam Ul Haq. That's not saying much because EVERYBODY ran out Inzamam ul haq. However that one moment in cricketing history will forever be remembered for the agility and presence of mind shown by Jonty and the brilliant imitation of a running sack of potatoes by Haq.

In more recent days, the difference between excellent sides(Australia) and very good ones(India, Pakistan and My Gulli Cricket Team) has come to be fielding. At the end of the day or 5 days or 3 hours, fielding saves runs, puts pressure on the batting side and is the only way bowlers get away with bad deliveries.

Seeing the Indian cricket team in the field gets really embarrassing at times. Our fielders often drop the simplest of catches, fumble with the ball for long stretches of time(48 hours) before throwing it back.  And we aren’t very good at throwing either. We have poor throwing actions, weak arms and the accuracy of a weather report.

That's why Indian cricketers use a very primitive technique to get opposition players run out. Its called Miscommunication. They simply wait until the opposition has this sort of conversation.

Batsman: RUN!

Non-Striker: OK!

(goes half-way down the pitch and for some reason cant make it back in the 48 hours it takes the Indian fielders to run him out)

Non-striker: Why the hell did you say run?

Batsman: I didn’t say run. I said Ranthambore. You must have misheard me.

Arguably one of the best fielders to emerge from India in recent times has been you guessed it: Ramesh Powar.  No seriously, it’s Yuvraj Singh. But even he’s not in shape nowadays, unless your idea of fitness involves looking like a hot air balloon. Fitness has been the bane of many an Indian cricketer past and present. Even the best batsman in the world, Sachin Tendulkar looks chubby even after a good day in the gym. And it’s not just the “No-Paunch-bulging-out” fitness that the team lacks in, its also the general fitness that makes for competent athletes that’s missing. That's why Indian fielders dont race after a boundary-headed ball. They waddle behind it like ducks.

And you will never see a really stunning catch coming from the Indian Cricket Team. You’ll rarely see an Indian fielder fly through the air and snatch a streaking ball straight from the sky. By throwing himself at the ball the Indian fielder risks getting his clothes dirty, getting injured or worse, looking really stupid when he misses the ball completely. The only thing he stands to gain is a wicket and a mention in the “(Insert Brand Name Here) moment of day” on the post match show, which nobody watches.

But what defines Indian fielding is the proverbial fumbling. Every match offers the same spectacle. The ball is skimming over a lush turf at a crisp pace, the Indian fielder readies himself to receive it by dipping his fingers in car lubricant. He bends to scoop the ball up but alas it goes through his fingers like a ghost. He then scampers back to retrieve it. He spends half hour in collecting a ball that’s now rather stationary and then somehow manages to throw it a few kilometres wide of the wicketkeeper. India has the rare ability of converting a single into two and very often three runs, now if only they could do this while batting. 

The Hot Strip by Tanzania!

Your Hair is As Good As The Adjectives It Has.

Although the UN haven’t officially made the change yet, am pretty convinced that the three basic necessities for life are: Food, Shelter and Hair Care. And here’s why.

Except for that one time when it was decided that cavewomen would have less facial hair to aid in gender differentiation, never has the hair been discussed more than it is being today. Suddenly, we seem to be living in a world which needs to have every adjective in the English language attached to their hair(Lustrous, Shiny, Bouncy, Noisy, Happy, Inquisitive, Squeaky and Shy)

If you switch on your television right now, you will be assaulted by a large number of TV commercials about Hair Care products(56 million) within the span of a really short time(1/17^th of a second).  The sheer volume of these commercials are enough to convince me that the world economy depends on the state of my hair.

Hair Care basically means, ensuring that your hair does not resemble anything found on Anil Kapoor’s chest. Hair must be well looked after, through the use of several products, adequate diet and occasionally police protection. Good hair is the result of your shampoo mating with your conditioner and hair oil.

Although it sounds really easy when put like that, in reality this business of shampooing is tough. Depending on your hair type and the dermatological problem that you are facing you will have to use a specific shampoo. For example, there’s one shampoo for dry hair only, one for making it smooth and silky. But that wont make your hair long and strong. For that there’s a different shampoo. Thinking logically and like a true gujrati, if you mixed the smooth and silky shampoo and the long and strong shampoo, you would get, you guessed it - Hair Loss. Now you know why the word shampoo has the words 'sham' and 'poo' built into it.

Apparently shampoos take out all the dirt and grime that accumulates in your hair because of the oil you use. And being an Indian I am sure you use it. Hair oil has become a part of India’s heritage and it’s use on the head is our gift to the world. For the longest time people thought that oil was just used to make cars run or to fry omelettes, until India showed the world that oil could be rubbed into your hair as well. It was found that Hair oil was an excellent substance to give your hair the health and nourishment that comes with being sticky enough to accumulate every particle of dust on the way from the grocery store to your house. In addition hair oil smells. I never really bonded with one of my distant aunts because she always had this vile smelling hair oil on and I could never manage to find my gas mask when she visited. 

Without oil, hair shows the classic withdrawal symptoms of the oil addict. It becomes rough, dry and frizzy. That is why it is important to know how to apply it correctly.

Applying oil the right way:

1. Heat oil to a warm temperature before applying. Ensure that the oil is not too hot because that would make it an ancient Chinese torture technique.

2. Make partitions in your hair while oiling. This allows oil to spread into all areas of the scalp and makes you look like a more authentic government official. 

3. Massage gently for 10 to 15 minutes. For best results ensure that the massage does not stray below the head.

4. Leave the oil for atleast 5 to 6 hours. This ensures that you leave oil prints all over the pillows and lets the oil sink into the scalp and disappear into your body.

5. Oil atleast once a week and if your hair is still very dry, try setting it on fire. You’ll be surprised at how well it’ll burn.

Am sure when Historian’s of the future, if they ever get the time from taking care of their hair, ever look back at our era, they will brand this moment in history as the Hair Care Revolution. And the only one's who will be left out of this utopian world of perfect hair will be the bald people. For everyone else, the future looks oily.