A celebration of innocence and other young critters.

Children’s day just went by. It was a Sunday, so the kids were spared the torture of listening to their principal using words they didn’t understand about a day that was supposed to be about them. So yes, it had a happy ending.

However this joyous celebration of innocence raised some pertinent questions on childhood, children and the mating habits of pigeons.

Q. What is Children’s Day?

A. The answer is embedded in the question.

Q. Why is Children’s day celebrated on Pandit Nehru’s birthday i.e. The 14^th of November?

A. According to legend, Children’s Day is celebrated in India because the first prime minister of the country Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru wanted to capture the youth votebank. ‘Catch them young’ were his noble words in relation to this festival. Either that, or the fact that he was genuinely fond of children.

Q. When is it right to have a kid?

A. It is alright to have a kid when you find the perfect partner, one who will stand by you through thick and thin trying to ensure that your weight doesn't keep fluctuating like that, and when you reach a level of financial security.

It is also right to have a kid if you look like this couple and you want to bind your hot wife in a loveless marriage, for the sake of little Rahul.

This picture is for representational purposes only.

Q. When do you grow up?

A. Technically speaking, one grows up when he or she can take full responsibility for his or her actions, contribute to society and lead a fulfilling life. Failing which, you grow up to be a rockstar, in a mental institution or Salman Khan.

P.S. Growing up is the difference between being child-like and childish.

Q. What do you do when puberty hits you?

A. You hit back. Depending on your gender, you can do this by buying a razor or a bra. In some cases both.

Q. What do you do when it doesn't hit you?

A. Again, depending on your gender, you can cover up your lack of puberty by using a false moustache or a couple of oranges.

Q. Who celebrates Children’s day?

A. This wondrously cute day, is celebrated by everyone. Everyone here stands for teachers who want a day away from the little monsters, the top management of Archie’s greeting cards and that old creepy uncle who keeps asking you if you would like to eat his chocolate in the back of his van.  

Q. When do you outgrow Horlicks?

A. The day you are asked if someone in your immediate family married a giraffe, when you can walk upright like a human being even with your 70 tonne schoolbag on your back and can spell your name with a 70% accuracy, is the day you won’t need to be any more taller, stronger or sharper.

Q. Do kids have a lot more pressure now?

A. The pressure has most definitely increased over the years. Studies show this primarily because  of a significant change in children’s diet. A gradual shift toward chocolates, ruffle lays and any other edible substance that guarantees ‘0% transfats’ has lead to a slight increase in pressure over the years. In fact experts agree that Balika Vadhu, Chote Ustaad and Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil Champs, are not helping the situation.

Q. What about the mating habits of pigeons?

A. Pigeon pairs are monogamous, often breeding in consecutive seasons for as long as both birds of a pair live. Most will attempt to raise several broods each year. Sometimes as many as four or five broods will be raised in a single year.

All questions carry 10 marks, failing this test, will ensure that your future resembles a gruesome car accident. Happy Children’s day.