Want to be a superhero? All of us do, darling. But you have to be ready to face the super paparazzi.
Here’s your guide to be a fashionable superhero:
1. Wearing your undies out:
It’s the oldest and the most powerful fashion statement that can be made by any superhero. It’s the only Attire which can even fetch you some endorsements; like Lux Cozi or a Rupa for a local superhero, or a Chromozome or an Armani for an international one. Though superman made this fashion statement, he was never able to cash into it or maybe the advertising industry was unaware of it then. You need to cash into this because you may not get a reporter job like superman.
2. Wearing a Bluetooth headset:
It would be an easier way to be in contact with the not so supernatural world. Rather than removing your cell phone in mid-air, you might not be concentrating on the sky ahead and may bump into a U.F.O. So for your comfort use a Bluetooth headset. After all fashion is all about comfort babes.
3. Changing your costumes:
You should always change your costumes after a specific period. Even your fans need a reason to buy a new action figure. You need to publicize yourself in the modern world.
4. Adding bling to your style:
Bling is the latest in thing, In order to get the public’s attention when you are in mid-air you need to add bling to your style. It is the only thing that will make the ordinary folk peep out of their office windows. Also make sure, that for maximum impact where chunky jewellery, after all bada hai toh behetar hai! go something along the lines of this guy....
5. Pimp your ride:
Your ride should be drooly enough to compel Mattel to come out with miniatures of it. Having a dull black bat mobile ain’t that uber cool. You have to pimp it up, homie! Decorate your ride with Looney Toons stickers. If you cannot afford a high-end audio system, hire a brass band & stuff them in your dicky. Listening to trumpets playing ‘Saat Samundar’ live! Also make sure your number is written in chinese and is painted in the colour of your underwear. Oh and dont forget to hang your nimbu-mirchi near your number plate! like this...
6. Fashion ain’t only for you, it’s for your chick too:
Like any other sports star or porn star, your chick will always be under the eyes of the super paparazzi. They know more about the clothes she wears, the food she eats, the guys she makes out with behind your back than you do. So always, have her geared up to face the paparazzi.
7. Keeping your Headquarters at ease:
Your headquarters has to be comfortable and at ease, because it is the place from where you are going to get your fashion statements and plans for eliminating the villains. You should organize your headquarters according to your comfort level. If you happen to be dressed like a bat, make sure its dark and roomy and make sure there's enough space on the ceiling from which you can hang upside down, without getting killed by the fan. If you happen to be in a spider-suit, you could try planting webs around the place to make it more homely and lived in. and of course if you happen to turn into a man of iron, make sure you're Headquarter is moisture free, because you just might rust in the wrong parts!
8. Boosting your P.R:
It means you have to get your P.R high! Which would mean having drugs, dating hot models, and getting caught for drunk flying! These would be the perfect cover stories for India TV. You could deliberately ask them to put your slot in late hours, which would force them to put it in the prime time and just adding to your PR.
Have fun being the person whom everyone confuses with a bird or a plane! And always remember that by dressing well and being in vogue you are averting a major fashion disaster!
- by Gautam GotiGotwa*
(*Gautam GotiGotwa, regardless of his name is a real person and currently studies in SYBMM in Swami Vivekanand College)
