Your Hair is As Good As The Adjectives It Has.

Although the UN haven’t officially made the change yet, am pretty convinced that the three basic necessities for life are: Food, Shelter and Hair Care. And here’s why.

Except for that one time when it was decided that cavewomen would have less facial hair to aid in gender differentiation, never has the hair been discussed more than it is being today. Suddenly, we seem to be living in a world which needs to have every adjective in the English language attached to their hair(Lustrous, Shiny, Bouncy, Noisy, Happy, Inquisitive, Squeaky and Shy)

If you switch on your television right now, you will be assaulted by a large number of TV commercials about Hair Care products(56 million) within the span of a really short time(1/17^th of a second).  The sheer volume of these commercials are enough to convince me that the world economy depends on the state of my hair.

Hair Care basically means, ensuring that your hair does not resemble anything found on Anil Kapoor’s chest. Hair must be well looked after, through the use of several products, adequate diet and occasionally police protection. Good hair is the result of your shampoo mating with your conditioner and hair oil.

Although it sounds really easy when put like that, in reality this business of shampooing is tough. Depending on your hair type and the dermatological problem that you are facing you will have to use a specific shampoo. For example, there’s one shampoo for dry hair only, one for making it smooth and silky. But that wont make your hair long and strong. For that there’s a different shampoo. Thinking logically and like a true gujrati, if you mixed the smooth and silky shampoo and the long and strong shampoo, you would get, you guessed it - Hair Loss. Now you know why the word shampoo has the words 'sham' and 'poo' built into it.

Apparently shampoos take out all the dirt and grime that accumulates in your hair because of the oil you use. And being an Indian I am sure you use it. Hair oil has become a part of India’s heritage and it’s use on the head is our gift to the world. For the longest time people thought that oil was just used to make cars run or to fry omelettes, until India showed the world that oil could be rubbed into your hair as well. It was found that Hair oil was an excellent substance to give your hair the health and nourishment that comes with being sticky enough to accumulate every particle of dust on the way from the grocery store to your house. In addition hair oil smells. I never really bonded with one of my distant aunts because she always had this vile smelling hair oil on and I could never manage to find my gas mask when she visited. 

Without oil, hair shows the classic withdrawal symptoms of the oil addict. It becomes rough, dry and frizzy. That is why it is important to know how to apply it correctly.

Applying oil the right way:

1. Heat oil to a warm temperature before applying. Ensure that the oil is not too hot because that would make it an ancient Chinese torture technique.

2. Make partitions in your hair while oiling. This allows oil to spread into all areas of the scalp and makes you look like a more authentic government official. 

3. Massage gently for 10 to 15 minutes. For best results ensure that the massage does not stray below the head.

4. Leave the oil for atleast 5 to 6 hours. This ensures that you leave oil prints all over the pillows and lets the oil sink into the scalp and disappear into your body.

5. Oil atleast once a week and if your hair is still very dry, try setting it on fire. You’ll be surprised at how well it’ll burn.

Am sure when Historian’s of the future, if they ever get the time from taking care of their hair, ever look back at our era, they will brand this moment in history as the Hair Care Revolution. And the only one's who will be left out of this utopian world of perfect hair will be the bald people. For everyone else, the future looks oily. 

Mankind evolved as a Gift for Women.

Right since the dawn of time a question has fogged the minds of men. A question that has never found an accurate answer, just like some other foggy questions (How did the universe come into existence? Is there life after death? And why is it necessary to wear matching socks?) Countless men have tried and failed, thought and got flummoxed, executed and got much of the same, over the immortal question, “What gift should I get my girl?”

Before trying to answer this question, let’s look at the history of the Gift. The gift giving tradition has been traced back to primitive ages where females used this technique to ascertain which male they would mate with, depending on the quality of his gift. Hence the strong, beefy cave-men, who brought back pendants made out of mammoth hair and tyrannosaurus tooth, stood more of a chance with the ladies than the scrawny chaps who thought a cave painting would make for a good gift. In fact, fire was invented as a birthday gift and the wheel so that a man could cart a dead brontosaurus to his woman on their 1^st anniversary.

Unfortunately this unjust tradition has lingered on and millions of men still continue to get yelled at, dumped or are refused sex for years at end, for coming short in the gifts department. Woman swoon over men who have good gift giving capacity. It’s for this same reason that talented men are called gifted and why one of the euphemisms for the penis is ‘package.’ 

That’s why there’s two kind of gifts. There’s the Surprise Gift and the Occasion Gift. The Surprise Gift is a gift you give a girl, when you just start going out, have had a fight or are having an affair and are feeling guilty about it. These gifts are small, inexpensive articles that would not have existed were it not for girls. Think small, cute, soft toy, here.

However the Occasion Gifts are a totally different animal to trap. These are the gifts that require all your skill, concentration and your lucky blue underpants. Occasion Gifts derive their name from the fact that they are presented only on the days which can never remember. The Occasion Gift is defined by the following criteria:

1.  1. It must be expensive. Because the truth is, your love IS as big as your bill.

2.   2. It must hold emotional value. This means it must be thoughtful, cheesy and     anything that makes her go, “awww...”

3.   3.  It must be refundable. For obvious reasons.

Think impossible here.

Research tells us that the difficulty of finding a gift for a woman is a bell shaped curved. It is easy to give a gift to a very young girl and a very old one. Very young girls,(those below 3 weeks old, because girls mature faster) will be happy with a Barbie doll and very old ones(those who took part in the revolt of 1857 and older) usually appreciate getting a dialysis machine. Its the middle ones who pose the problem.

Although, The Female Mind, is a complex system which is wired with the sole intention of being indecipherable to men, contemporary research has shown that women actually drop more hints about what they want than a young, limping antelope holding a placard that says, “EAT ME.” does about being eaten. Unfortunately to understand these hints requires a mysterious skill that men just don’t possess; that of listening. 

Woman: I want to go dancing. I really want to do it badly. I wonder if someone will take me to that new disco on our anniversary.

What the man hears: blah, blah, blah. I really want to do it badly. Blah, blah, blah.  “Darling this is no time to get frisky. Am still thinking of your gift, you know.”

I hope this comprehensive study helped some clueless men out there. In case it didn’t, at least you learnt to make sure that your gift isn’t like the time you spent reading this article: Non-refundable.

  

The Hot Strip by Tanzania!

The Hot Strip ........ By Tanzania

The Hot Strip...by Tanzania!!